): why ? ;

TODAY IS JUST NOT MY DAY ! FORREAL !
sighhh ,
i didnt get to talk to young all day today ):
i didnt feel good at all today , & had a heartburn for over 9 hours .
& i found out that i didnt have my wallet and that i lost it about 40 minutes ago .

i dont know where he's at , or what he's doing or who he is with , and this heartburn is just plain h*ll, and my wallet ? ):
the most important thing ...
my permits in there , my school id , all my money, and most of all the letters that i wrote to young , "love letter #6,7,8,9,10" are in there , and most importantly ... that one thing that always made me happy whenever i am down , and feeling drowzy , that one thing that makes me happy and smile whenever im sad and just not in a good mood ; the letters that HE wrote for me . those that made me smile like nothing else in this whole world can , and made me feel as if i was in heaven for just that minute , that one thing that makes me so happy is gone now . and i cant find it anymore .
its so hard to contact him , talk to him , hear his voice, and most of all just see him .
i'm suppose to go to puyallap on friday and spend the night there and come back on saturday , but i dont have the money for the movie that i was going to watch which i've been waiting for a week "new moon" and buying him ggampungi ; his favorite , at the korean resturant and see him eat filled with joy and the money for taking the pictures in the photobooth ; to capture the special moment in my life . and i made him wait , and he hadn't heard the good news yet , and im so sorry for making you wait . . . . . . . for nothing , now that i dont have any money .
now everything is ruined , my life is so ridiculous , nothing gets any better .
and things been just getting worse , i cant take it anymore , and sometimes i just want to give up on everything , but theres just that one thing that keeps me going ...

the only thing that i truly want for christmas this year ; is to keep you in my arms forever and not letting you go , to keep you in life and not seeing you off , to keep you as mine and only mine forever , and experience all things that i havent with you for the rest of my life .

[ those dreams that i've had for 3 days strait . . . the 3rd night ; the dream of loss . i think this is what it meant by loss , but whats next if the 3rd night was just that . . . what'll happen with the 2nd ? ]
God please help me out here , hollla backk ! i cant hear you , & i keep begging for more , and asking you to help me , i pray and pray about it 24/7 , and i still havent gotten the feeling . . . is everything going to alright ? ]

i miss you babe , i miss you . be safe and dont get into any trouble kay ? be good , and dont be doing bad things . i love you , sweet dreams , goodnight & sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite . [i wish you were here to say "& keep your butthole tight"]